About The Dull-Witted And How They End Up Sitting Next to You at Work
September 17, 2015
OK, So...I'm really dumbfounded that dumb people work. In General. That they work. At All. This is not about "mentally challenged" people. This is not about people who just don't "get it." This is about those people that you know have potential to climb out of their dumbness but choose not to because of whatever reason.
You may ask Well how do you know they can climb out of their dumbness? Well, it's because they show you little glimmers of ability, like little lights that someone is home. They show you that they have a brain, a functioning brain that tells them to walk one foot in front of the other. If someone can do the latter, then they have the ability to climb out of their dumbness. I've declared this kind of dumbness (because there are several types as you know) as a severe case of ConsistentAirheadedness.
We've all had moments of airheadedness: Struggling for the right word or phrase and hoping that snapping your fingers or waving the air will bring it to you. Left your car keys in the fridge. Panicly searched for your phone but it was in your hand the whole time. Genuinely had a hard time understanding a knock/knock joke.
But keep in mind that we just have moments. We're not walking around every minute of the day acting like an airhead. But if you do, then you have a case of "the dumbs" or the politically correct and Jen-Ford-name-for-it Consistent Airheadedness.
So, this is obviously about someone I know, otherwise, I would not be writing this. This particular person had me scrolling through my mental rolodex of people in my past who would have fit the dumb description. But NOPE. I have never been around a dumb person (at work) EVER. So, this is such a new experience for me. It's like seeing a Unicorn, BigFoot, or Godzilla. Astonishing. Puzzling. And Frightening.
So, the mystery really is: How did this person get a job?
Theory #1: Maybe They're Really GREAAAT in Interviews
I think that Consistently Airheaded people can be very charming, so in interviews their random laughing and plastered but genuine smiles could be viewed as a PLUS. We can all be fooled by a big fat laugh and a smile, right? (Wait...I think the saying is a little different). But we have all been duped by someone who was just soooooo charming. Who says that can only be limited to boyfriends?
Theory #2: Maybe They are the Real Life Jedi Mind Tricksters
While you're trying to jump through logical hoops to understand what nonsense they are so convinced is making sense, they do a Jedi Mind trick on you. Of course you don't know when you've been the victim of a Jedi Mind Trick, but we all know they exist! And I think they are the prime suspects. This could explain why they are still employed because there is no logical reason as to why they would still be there, BESIDES BEING JEDI MIND TRICKSTERS!!
Theory #3: They're Spies
If they're not Jedi Mind Tricksters, then they must be spies. Someone must know someone who knows someone that has convinced someone else that this person needs a job because they're some top secret spy, and maybe their Consistent Airheadness is really just a cover. I mean, no one could be that damn dumb and working!
But if it's really the latter, then sign me up for whatever makes someone catch "the dumbs" because it seems like the life. Heck! It worked for Homer Simpson.
His type of dumbness even froze the aging process for him, his family and the town. Hmm...maybe being consistently clueless has some benefits.
Ah, well. Let me stop talking about these people before they take my job, hex me and remember me in about 40 years when they're looking for someone else to "off."