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  • Writer's pictureRenese

Why is January (Not Jones) Always the Slowest One Out the Door?

Seriously, why is January always the slowest one out the door?

“Yea, I’m about to leave...but what about that thing with Jocelyn though?”

“Yea, I’m headed out...but didn’t I just hear Chris said he got fired?”

“I have some rice and peas in the slow cooker, so I’m about to see about those...but what did Auntie Jacky say about those wigs on sale?”

January, if you don’t...

And as she made her way out, she blazed quite a dramatic trail, further exposing the shenanigans of the Whites. Let’s reflect before the month of the Blacks arrives.

Jan 6.: The Whites, 2 Blacks, and 1 Racially Ambiguous Man Stormed The Capitol

What can I say about this that hasn’t already been said? Uhmmm...that White people are crazy as hell (whoops! Already said, but definitely needed to be said again).

What would make them think that they had the right, privilege and confidence to storm The Capitol?

Oh, ‘cus they did.

Law enforcement took the pre-threat as seriously as Ralphie getting a bb gun. Former President Trump egged them on (per usual). And even when the choice of kidnapping or death was upon lawmakers, some of them still refused to agree with impeaching the ogre.

What will it take for the Whites to see themselves as a threat to themselves? Wrong answers only...which actually might be the right answers.

Late January: It’s Robbin’ Season feat. Robinhood

Donald Glover introduced me to the idea that a season of a show can be themed around thievin’. And Robinhood, a commission-free investing app, must have been an episode that they left on the cutting room floor but was recently leaked...and actually effected real life Americans.

What would make Robinhood think that they had the right, privilege and confidence to shut out folks from buying Gamestop, among other stocks?

Oh, ‘cus they did.

The robbin’ that the 99% have been talking about was put on full display during a pandemic when people have nothing else to do but to pay attention to shenanigans that would otherwise have gone right over their heads.

Thanks, COVID.

Jan 31: Snowmageddon

Just when I thought that January would pull out of the driveway...

Chicago. Detroit. Virginia. DC. And tonight, New York. Are getting piles of snow.

“Oh, y’all thought there wasn’t gonna be a Winter, huh?” January thought.

What would make January think that she has the right, privilege and confidence to White Christmas us right now?

Oh, ‘cus she can.

I’m writing this as New York is getting snow slow-burned right now. I’m not sure whether the snow will stick, but the fact that January decided to lay this on us at the last minute Is. So. Damn. January.

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