Spinach Is a Bold Face Lie

OK, So...

I love spinach. It's my second favorite vegetable at the moment. Sautéed garlic spinach. Salt & Pepper spinach. Grilled cheese and spinach sandwich. Hot bacon spinach salad. Spinach (in lieu of shredded romaine lettuce) on tacos...once in awhile.

And it´s second because I have a bone to pick with spinacia oleracea.

´Cus when I buy this:

It turns into this:

And I'm like, Spinach, why you always lyin´?

There are few things in life that disappoint me. People, of course. Toilet paper, is second. And cooked spinach. COOKED spinach is a bad magic trick.

It's a trick no one wanted. No one needed. No one asked for.

Besides, how can $4.99 be a justified price for a plastic box of tricky greens and air? Maybe my bone is really with the vendors. So, this is what I propose:

Charge folks based on what they plan to do with the greens.

If planning to eat raw, then 4.99. Fine. But if planning to cook:

My guy...That spinach might be closer to free 99.

So, Spinach, I apologize. You're just doing what you do.

But vendors...come on. Yáll know how brand new spinach gets when it goes from raw to cooked, so give us paying customers a break. I be lookin´ forward to cooking spinach only to be disappointed every time when I finish eating in about three forkfuls.