Someone Stole My Air Conditioner

Right now, I’m writing this from my boyfriend’s apartment. The man has floor air units in each room. (He got money)

And at this moment, I actually have an air conditioning unit, properly installed and everything in my apartment – thanks to my man. But that is new news.

I’ve been living in New York since late 2017, and I just bought an air conditioner. That should tell you a few things about me - 

• I have a high tolerance for heat – my cousin was staying with me for a few days and she said, “I didn’t know I could sweat under my titties until I started living here.”

• My man is convinced I was purely being stubborn because “you always had somewhere to go.” Translation: I’ve had a man friend during each NY summer, and they had a/c, so eh – why the heck did I need to invest in one?

• Lastly, I don’t like to spend money...on air conditioners.

I broke down and purchased an a/c unit from Home Depot online...Only because my boyfriend returned to his hometown for two months, and I was expecting another cousin to stay with me for a few months.

After two weeks of waiting on the unit to deliver, I canceled my order. By this time, NY was seeing regular 90-degree days, and I was beyond tired of being perched on the couch, in a sports bra and running shorts, with a fan directly blowing in my face.

So, I bought it off Old Faithful (Amazon), and they delivered that bad boy at 8a on a Friday. They even took a picture of it just sitting pretty in the lobby waiting for little ol’ me. 

I went to the lobby at 11a, and it was not there. I pulled up the picture, in disbelief, as I stared at absolutely nothing in front of me. 

OK, So, I’ve known that we’ve had a thief in the building.

So, before I actually went there in my mind, I checked with the building hoarder who grabs people’s packages “before the thief gets to them.” 

“No, Miss, I don’t have your package,” she said.

Then, I checked with the building mayor, a sweet older lady, who has also picked up a few of my packages “before the thief gets to them.”

“Nope, Jennifer, I don’t have it either,” she said.

After a year’s worth of the packages that came through my building, it seems that I was finally a victim of the thief. A thief that must have the Amazon delivery schedule. A bandit with no shame towing a 150 lb. appliance into their dwelling that didn't belong to them. A real life Swiper who apparently was just as frustrated as I was about being hot as hell in a New York box...actually more frustrated if they're hauling stolen cargo.

After all of the annoyance and disappointment subsided, I threw my hands up and thought, “Well, it was an air conditioner they stole. I just hope it went to a good home.”

Although I can't help but wonder whether one of the sweet older ladies is the real Frito Bandito. If so, then touché, older lady. Touché.