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  • Writer's pictureRenese

Someone Stole My Air Conditioner

Right now, I’m writing this from my boyfriend’s apartment. The man has floor air units in each room. (He got money)

And at this moment, I actually have an air conditioning unit, properly installed and everything in my apartment – thanks to my man. But that is new news.

I’ve been living in New York since late 2017, and I just bought an air conditioner. That should tell you a few things about me - 

  • I have a high tolerance for heat – my cousin was staying with me for a few days and she said, “I didn’t know I could sweat under my titties until I started living here.”

  • My man is convinced I was purely being stubborn because “you always had somewhere to go.” Translation: I’ve had a man friend during each NY summer, and they had a/c, so eh – why the heck did I need to invest in one?

  • Lastly, I don’t like to spend money...on air conditioners.

I broke down and purchased an a/c unit from Home Depot online...Only because my boyfriend returned to his hometown for two months, and I was expecting another cousin to stay with me for a few months.

After two weeks of waiting on the unit to deliver, I canceled my order. By this time, NY was seeing regular 90-degree days, and I was beyond tired of being perched on the couch, in a sports bra and running shorts, with a fan directly blowing in my face.

So, I bought it off Old Faithful (Amazon), and they delivered that bad boy at 8a on a Friday. They even took a picture of it just sitting pretty in the lobby waiting for little ol’ me. 

I went to the lobby at 11a, and it was not there. I pulled up the picture, in disbelief, as I stared at absolutely nothing in front of me. 

OK, So, I’ve known that we’ve had a thief in the building.

So, before I actually went there in my mind, I checked with the building hoarder who grabs people’s packages “before the thief gets to them.” 

“No, Miss, I don’t have your package,” she said.

Then, I checked with the building mayor, a sweet older lady, who has also picked up a few of my packages “before the thief gets to them.”

“Nope, Jennifer, I don’t have it either,” she said.

After a year’s worth of the packages that came through my building, it seems that I was finally a victim of the thief. A thief that must have the Amazon delivery schedule. A bandit with no shame towing a 150 lb. appliance into their dwelling that didn't belong to them. A real life Swiper who apparently was just as frustrated as I was about being hot as hell in a New York box...actually more frustrated if they're hauling stolen cargo.

After all of the annoyance and disappointment subsided, I threw my hands up and thought, “Well, it was an air conditioner they stole. I just hope it went to a good home.”

Although I can't help but wonder whether one of the sweet older ladies is the real Frito Bandito. If so, then touché, older lady. Touché

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