Happy New Year!

Someone once said, "Hindsight is 20/20..."

...And it caught on like wildfire. But who actually said it? Several Google searches failed to reveal who, so I'm just going to declare that "someone" was Black. She shall be added to the list of hidden figures. I mean, who else could come up with something so enlightening but be erased from getting the credit of saying it? If that ain't B L A C K...

As it's 2020, 'tis the year to institute a whole bunch of hindsight. We all learn lessons, but how many do we actually learn from? I mean, there are so many instances of us repeating the same behavior or seeing the same scene and still expecting a different result. Oh, what do they call that?

Righhhhht.

So, I would like to add to Black history by adding a few more words to that illuminating proverb.

"Hindsight is 20/20...with contacts," said Someone and Renese.

I mean, in order to see the hindsight, you need contacts. At least I do.

So, here are some truths that will always be true while the truth is still a thing.

Hindsight #1: The Whites Are Gonna White

Ally Henny, an anti-racist activist, wrote on Facebook:

[ Wight culture often conflates, “This is new to me/different, and I’m not sure if I like it,” with, “My safety and well-being is in clear and present danger.”

For example, being annoyed at young people being loud at a neighborhood pool is an example of, “I don’t like this.”

Being frustrated at people breaking the rules concerning barbecuing in a local park is an example of, “I don’t like this.”

Being mad that people are laughing loudly on your wine tour is an example of, “I don’t like this.”

None of the above examples are a reason to call the police. I would even say that it’s not a time to call the manager either because they might call the police.

Learn the difference between something making you uncomfortable because you don’t like it and something being a danger to you. People’s lives depend on it. ]

Basically, don't ever be surprised when a white person activates their whiteness against you...when they don't like something you did or said.

Chewing too loudly? Too busy to add a nicety in an email? Looking forward to your life?

^^^Saith Becky.

You did nothing wrong.

Just don't ever be surprised when that Westworld switch is turned off in their heads.

Now, say it with me, class -

"THE WHITES ARE GONNA WHITE."

Hindsight #2: White Corporate America Has Nothing for Your Black Ass

Question: If you're in a competition to climb a tree against a baboon, a squirrel and a gecko, but you're a penguin, how do you think you're going to do?

Corporate America is the tree. Becks is the baboon. Jon (with no h) is the squirrel. And Casserole Cathy is the gecko. And your black ass is the penguin.

As always, you came dressed to impress for this competition. Despite webbed feet and no-finger fins, your black ass, guided by the ancestors, miracles, and black eyed peas makes it up the tree first.

The baboon, the squirrel and the gecko grimace from below. They talk among themselves wondering how the hell you did that.

"Wait, I was told I was the alpha male..." said the baboon.

"Sue guaranteed that these new adhesive pads would..." the gecko carried on.

"I knew eating those nuts on the way up would bite me in the ass..." the squirrel fumed.

And there you stand on the highest branch, gripping it ever-so-steadily with your webbed feet, relieved and thankful that you could pull off such a thing against animals that clearly had more advantages to climb a freakin' tree.

You display a regal and self-assured demeanor. The sun gifts you the golden hour. Your beak is poppin'. You're on top of the world!

And then the baboon, the squirrel and the gecko all say in unison -

"I don't like the way that penguin..."

And there goes your black ass tumbling down a tree that you had no business being on in the first place. Besides, swimming is what you do best!

Now, say it with me class -

"WHITE CORPORATE AMERICA AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' FOR YOUR BLACK ASS."

Hindsight #3: Your Sister with Kids Will Try You

My sister has three kids. And I love them. Truly, I do. But guess who love the kids but don't got no kids?

While I was home in Chicago, I babysat all three of them at some point. While I enjoyed doing so (to my surprise), I was almost bamboozled into babysitting the 18-month-old without my consent.

They call this: Drive-By Baby Drop-Off

OK, So...Here's what happened.

I picked up some food for my mom, sister, the baby, the other two kids, my auntie and my grandma.

We're talking cornbread, greens, jerk shrimp, fried green tomatoes, mac and cheese and green beans with turkey.

My sister said, "Joe (the baby's dad) and I are about to go get food for the baby."

Me:

I said, "Didn't you just see all the food...Nevermind, is the baby going with you?"

"Yes," she said.

Moments later, I sparked up a conversation with my auntie. And out of the corner of my eye came my sister in a coat with a coat-less baby on her hip.

"We'll be back in a -" she managed to get out before I got out what I needed to get out.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN," I declared in Auntie-speak.

What do I look like watching a baby whose parents are not only alive and well, but they're in my presence...and they're going on a run for the baby!

My sister popped into immediate reverse at the same speed and abruptness as you would in a hooptie to avoid your crush seeing you in it.

Not today, Ma'am. Not two day.

Hindsight #4: It's Not What You Know. Hell, It's Not Even Who You Know. It's Who Knows You.

Do you know James Wright? If you don't, then it doesn't matter anyway because guess who does know him?

PATTI LaBELLE.

Four years ago, Wright reviewed her sweet potato pie on his YouTube channel, and it went viral. The video, to date, has garnered over 6 million views. Wright genuinely raves about the pie. He even perfectly sings well-known Patti tunes while chowing down.

His video got the attention of the "Lady Marmalade" legend, and this man, who had been creating content on YouTube four years prior, was taken from the ashes of obscurity and placed in front of Steve Harvey, BET, Tamar Braxton and more to talk about that video.

And it's all because "The Right Kind of Lover" not only saw him but brought him center stage.

So, stay ready, so you don't have to get ready. Your Patti LaBelle is looking for you.

Hindsight #5: Love After Lockup Will Always Be A Trashy Lituation. Thank God.

You will find no better reality TV than "Love After Lockup." I dare you to try.

I try to catch it every Friday night as it airs live on WeTV. I even left a party in early 2019 just so that I could watch all the shenanigans in real time as the rest of the country.

Here's their excellent cast:

A Black woman Mormon chooses to marry an ex-convict. She tricks her husband into visiting Utah, her home state, only to steal his ID in order to keep him there.

A cigarette-smoking and open-throat sounding White woman attempts a relationship outside prison with an ex-convict who always seems to clear his throat before he kisses her.

A White Kim Kardashian look-alike's look-alike convinces a 21-year-old ex-convict that raising her children, one of which doesn't know their dad because she doesn't know who he is either, is better than anything he could have planned for himself.

Shall I go on?

Just be tuned in for the spin-off called "Life After Lockup" TOMORROW!!!

And that's it for this round of Hindsight is 20/20 for The Year 2020. Keep these Lessons in mind always. They will always be true.