My body decided to get sick on Saturday. It's been four days, and your girl is still ill. I'm at the tail end of it, but what really gets me is the fact that my body had the audacity to get sick while single. What kind of shit is that?

Ok, So, I'm aware that single people get sick. Duh. But I just got out of a relationship, and boom! I'm sick.

The Haitian (yes, my ex) took care of me when I was sick. I was sick only one time in our short-lived but intense relationship, and he took two trains from his job in SoHo to Bushwick to make me a stove-top honey/sugar/beeswax/other shit concoction that really helped knock out my funky cold.

And now who do I have to take care of me?

Me, myself and I. That's who.

Although Beyonce made a bop out of that mantra, I can tell you, having those three yous is overrated...when you're sick.

Here are all of the reasons it sucks to be sick while single...

1. I'm Single!

First and foremost, the obvious. It sucks to be sick while single because I'm single!

I have to rely on myself to get better? I have to get my own body out of the bed to make my own tea, my own soup, my own whatever? What kind of life is this? Last time I checked, it was America, and single people shouldn't have to be subjected to single-hood AND self-care.

2. I Can't Exaggerate My Sickness

The best thing about having a man take care of me while sick is being able to exaggerate how sick I am.

Him: Babe, tell me what hurts.

Me: Everything.

Him: What's Everything?

Me: Everything, including my mouth. My mouth hurts, ow! Talking to you.

Him: Awwwww, Babe. (Goes to make a double dose of the Haitian concoction)

Who can I exaggerate to now? Nobody. Just nobody.

3. I'm Quarantined Until I Can Enter Society As a Disease-Free Human

Can I just say that I am over being in this house for four days?

Don't get me wrong - I've left to make a quick Target or deli run, but other than that, I've been in. This. Fucking. House. That's only 2' x 2' x 2'. I don't even know if those are real measurements, but I live in New York, so yea...that's probably right.

I've become well-acquainted with the walls, so guess what I learned? Walls really don't talk. And they're boring to look at. I have a consecutive four days of research to know that is a fact.

Is cabin fever getting the best of me? Probably.

Conclusion

I expected to write two more reasons why it sucks to be sick while single, but then I couldn't think of anymore. So, maybe it doesn't really suck that bad.

Nah, it does. Fuuuucccccckkk....