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The Return of the Writing Snob


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......................................

It's been awhile. Writing a blog post, that is, and I have missed this.

I've been writing, just not for myself lately. I'm a freelance contributor for THE TRACKING BOARD. Maybe you've heard of it? Pretty cool gig getting paid some change to review great and awful TV shows, although I have to admit that trashing a show (that deserves it) gives me much pleasure. And because of that gig, I've been neglecting my lovely blog, but no worries! I am back, and I have a few new revelations. Writing has boomeranged me back into being a communications snob. And this post is dedicated to a few revelations I've had recently.

I don't think I can date a man who can't write. On second thought, I don't even think he can be my friend. Is that awful? Although this is a rhetorical question, I'd like to go ahead and answer this with a definitive HELL NAWL.

You can tell a lot about a man who can't write. One is: He can't write. And that's a shame. I am a full grown adult, so I interact with other full grown adult men, and some of them really can't write. Like, they refuse to pluralize things that need to be pluralized. Case in point: "I really like your twist." Full disclosure: I have never worn this style, but an ex (who was a full grown adult man at the time) complimented someone on Facebook with that statement. I grimaced when I saw it. Why is it so difficult to put an 's' at the end of that word? I just don't get it. This person also couldn't spell "restaurant" if his life depended on it, even though the name of his restaurant had the word "restaurant" in it. I don't know what you call that.

Run-on sentences...I can accept a run-on from someone who usually writes complete sentences, and as we get to know each other, feels comfortable enough to communicate with run-ons because well, er, they know me. If off jump you're doing the run-ons, I will not try to figure out where the periods, question marks, and exclamation points are supposed to go. I don't know you like that.

Men who capitalize every word in a sentence is just a psychopath. It's that plain and simple. Switching back and forth between the up arrow takes too much energy, and if you're doing it willingly, you have a problem.

Therefore, writing is a huge turn-on. But if your writing is great, and you're boring, then that just ruins the whole thing.

I'm done with the boring guy. I exchanged numbers with a guy, and this was the exchange we had for 3 consecutive days:

Him: Hi, Jennifer. How are you?

Me: Good. And you?

Him: Good.

____________________________________________________________________

Him: Hi. How are you?

Me: Good. And you?

Him. Pretty Good.

____________________________________________________________________

Him: Hey.

Me: Hey.

Him: How are you?

Me:

...And then...

Him: I'd like to take you to lunch. When are you free?

Me:

I'm not signing up for a boring ass conversation over text. What makes you think I'm signing up for a boring ass conversation in the flesh?

I am a conversationalist. Men tell me all the time how much they enjoy conversation with me and how they've never been more engaged with anyone else. Yeah, you know why? Because I'm the common denominator. I have gained awesome guy friends recently, and they are great conversationalists as well. I can't give my time to someone who doesn't know how to be social. That, to me, is weird. It may also indicate that you're hiding something.Eh. Maybe?

It really boggles my mind how someone is going through life with terrible writing skills, and if you're boring, too, then, just give up on life. Or not. Just don't come near me. Please.


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