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  • Jennifer Ford and Candace Campbell

Let's Play a Game Called: Dirty Nigga or Nah?


(It ain't Black History Month anymore, so I can go back to using the word.)

There are daughters leaving the nest every year. Some go off to college in other states, and for those young women, that will be the time when they learn a lot of things.

There's No Mom.

No Dad.

No Granny.

Just them.

They grow up fast during those years because they have to make smart decisions everyday concerning school, finances, housing, work, and of course, boys. And parents already know what's up ahead. They've been through it all. So, these are some of the things they say to their daughters pre-flight:

When you get your own apartment, never live on the ground floor. That's easy access for the burglars or rapists.

Always remember to be friendly to all people. Janitorial staff and University professors are no different when it comes to being treated with respect.

Never get gas at night if you are alone. The freaks come out at night.

When you get a job, make sure to put at least 10% of your check immediately into your savings. You pay yourself first, young lady.

This is all great information. Fantastic, even. But parents seem to forget that we daughters needed to also hear the following, so that in our 30s we are not learning this lesson:

Please, please, please watch out for Dirty Niggas.

Yep. Parents: You forgot that one.

DIRTY NIGGA (duurrrtty nig-ahhh, see Michael Blackson for the perfect pronunciation):

ADJE-NOUN.

1. A scientifically identifiable homo sapien with a penis who thinks it's cool to lie to his girlfriend/fiance about having another girlfriend; a side chick; another fiance; or wife.

2. This homo sapien is limited to no specific ethnic or racial group. However, 99.9% of them are reported as Libras or Sagitarrius'. 0.1% are Aries/Taurus cusps.

3. In a sentence: "Girl, did you hear what Greg did to Charmaine? He was engaged to someone else the entire time they were together, and she didn't even know it." "Yes, girl. He is a dirty nigga."

*Synonyms: Grimy Ass Nigga, F***Boy, Rat, Rat-Dog (not the same as cat-dog), Psychopath

*Antonyms: Steph Curry

Believe it or not, most women will deal with a dirty nigga at least once in their life. It's like a rite of passage. I'd argue that it's on par with getting your menses or realizing that you grew boobs over the summer, except this rite of passage happens later in life. We can call it a symptom of late adolescence.

If you're lucky, you deal with one in your 20s, and if you see one the next time, you are an expert at spotting 'em and running for the hills at the same time.

If you're in your 30s, it comes as a big blow because well, you're in you're 30s, and you ain't got time to be fuckin' around.

If you're in your 40s and above...

I don't even know what to say. Over 40 dirty niggas? Ya, they exist, and they all need to be rounded up and placed into old folks' homes because they are doing the most. #SatDown

All I know is that these dirty niggas are everywhere. In your sink. In your closet. In your ear. You just have to know how to spot 'em..

Ok, So...I brought in my homie Candace to help write this because one person can't handle the entire subject of dirty niggas. It's too hard, and if tackled alone, may lead to diabetes. So, Let's play a game called:

Dirty Nigga or Nah?

(cue Family Feud Music)

The rules of the game are as follows:

Read the following real-life scenarios, and decide after each one whether he's a Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #1: You never get to meet his family and when you do, although he's made it seem like you're the love of his life, they act unimpressed. why? b/c he does this ish all the time. #JoinTheClub

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #2: You see a pic of him and his ex hugged up on facebook. He deletes it, and when you ask about it he swears it didn't happen. Although you saw it with your own eyes.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #3: He tells you that he has cheated before. alot, even to the point where his ex purposefully let her menses leak on the mattress to make sure no other woman was in bed with her man.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #4: He wants all the benefits of a relationship but is ambiguous about the commitment part.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #5: He uses his trust issues as an excuse to why he's having trouble moving forward with you. A few months after ya'll stop communicating, he has a girlfriend.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #6: He never posts pics of you and him on social media because he doesn't want people "in his business". A few weeks after ya'll stop communicating, you see him with pics with him and a girl on social media.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #7: He prefers not to use condoms. Later, you learn that he has this preference with everyone.

Answer: Dirty Ass Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #8: You find a birth certificate for a kid whose name doesn't match the two you know about.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #9: You notice a sucker bite (hickey) on his chest. He tells you his 2 year old son "bit" him.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #10: He says all of his exes are "crazy."

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #11: You ask him to go to the beach every weekend, but it never happens. You find out he goes with a girl in his apartment complex. When you ask him about it, he tells you there is no reason to be jealous of a lesbian.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #12: He takes you to the nail shop near his house. Later on, the Vietnamese ladies try to tell you in broken English that you aren't the only one.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #13: His friends dont really remember your name.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #14: You get a text you weren't supposed to in reference to another chick. He tells you the phone lines crossed with a friend of his.

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #15: He always says "You like taking pictures, huh?"

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

Scenario #16: Your auntie asks you to ask him who his favorite rapper is because it'll tell you more about him. He says, in all seriousness: "Bird Man."

Why come aunties be knowin' how to #GetEm?

Answer: Dirty Nigga or Nah?

If you answered each scenario with: Dirty Nigga, Congratulations! You have won the following grand prizes:

Peace and Happiness.

ABOUT YOU: You recognize that all of the above scenarios are an indication that you are talking to a dirty nigga. Retreat from that dirty nigga and never look back. You don't need to know why they're dirty. They just are.

People are born to be philanthropists, Presidents, yogis, Popes, and yes, some are born to be dirty niggas. I had no idea about this group of homo sapiens until I had my first and last experience with one. And ladies, they are out here in these streets on the prowl. Don't let those dirty niggas trip you up:

Recognize the signs, and let him go. You may not even have proof of anything, but if your women's intuition just won't let you go, then listen to it. It's correct 100% of the time. Believe what he shows you because more than likely, everything he's showing you is a sign that he's a what?

Yes, girl.

He probably is.

And even though you may have run into one...or two...or three...remember that the antonyms are out there. They are. And your antonym is looking for you. Just bypass those dirty niggas like Michonne in the Walking Dead so that your antonym can see you clearly.

From one woman whose had one dirty nigga experience to another, we got this, and we shall overcome. Besos!

#dirtyniggas #dirtynigga

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