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Dear Bey: Let's Get "In Formation" for Donald Glover


Ok, So...Like everybody, I am inspired by Beyonce's newest ripping-ya-wig-off or reverting-those-edges-back-to-4C-land (and keeping 'em there) song because it's a summons for us Black women to be proud of our everythang. She commands us to: GET IN FORMATION for ourselves, our people, and our paper. Who is NOT down for that?

Beyonce has been reported to help with the Flint Water Crisis and has helped fund the Black Lives Matter Movement. However, I think she and all of us Black women need to be in formation for something else as well: Donald Glover.

That man needs our help.

His cause is like the news story that only gets traction when a celebrity brings light to it, so here goes -

Bey: He needs his own in formation line.

Let me explain.

I was listening to his 2011 song Not Going Back on Pandora recently, and he says:

Relax, black chick, I think that I have offended thee/Got nothin' against the sistas, I just don't think they're into me/I am not a thug AKA: what they pretend to be/I am just myself, AKA: My worst enemy

Since Bey is calling for us to take our us back, I would like to go a bit further with her call and say that she not only wants us to be proud of our natural hair, melanin-on-fleek skin, and the Black movements before us, but she also wants us to be proud of our Donald Glovers and take them back as well.

Which leads me to saying - There are Black guys out there who really don't think we are into them. Or we have vehemently shown them that we are not interested in them, so they go for women that show them the most interest, which may almost always be non-Black women.

As I'm writing, this sounds like a bulls**t excuse, but give me time to make it all clear.

I have a cousin who told my other cousin that he has tried to talk to Black girls but they are "not into him." So, this is a thing! It's not just Donald Glover. It's my cousin, too!

This isn't a call for us to get in formation for scum buckets. I mean, I don't personally know Donald Glover, and he could very well be a scum bucket, but that's neither here nor there. He put it out into the universe that he doesn't think Black chicks are into him, which means that he's tried and failed, damn near every time. And this is Donald Glover. A celebrity. I would think women of all color patterns would be into him, but not us - according to him.

I am taking his declaration and implied plea genuinely.

Donald, let me give you a few pointers on maybe why you're striking out? And then we can talk about getting your own in formation line...

First thing's First: You Claim to Not Be a Thug

Well, I hope this isn't what you say when you first talk to a Black woman because that's offensive.

Personally, I don't think I like thugs. I mean, I don't even know whether I've attracted a thug, but I definitely know I have never dated one. Or I don't think I have. Now I'm questioning what a thug is and wondering why you think the only reason Black girls may not be into you is because you're not a thug.

By the way, it's totally OK for women to like thugs. God bless 'em, but I hope you don't really think that all Black women like thugs 'cus that would be kinda ignorant. And this leads me to your self-proclamation that you are...

A Black Nerd: Second thing's Second

Uhmm...I'm only assuming that you've never heard of these women:

Enongo Lumumba-Kasongo

Jamila Rowser

Maya Glick

Jamie Broadnax

'Cus they're all self-proclaimed nerds and pretty dern successful and just dern pretty. Full disclosure: I didn't know who these women were either. I just googled "Black Girl Nerds" and bam! There they were. So...Donald...there are plenty of Black girl nerds outchea too. Your nerdiness and their nerdiness could help further the Black baby nerd agenda. Then again, I am only assuming they're not into thugs.

The Third and Last Thing: Don't Have a Defeatist Attitude

Are you walking up to Black women, already pissed that they might not give you the time of day?

Yeah, that ain't gonna help you buddy.

I'm pretty sure you've gotten rejected by all types of women, and they just weren't into you that day or that night.

And I'm sure it's hard, in general, to approach women, but that's the whole man-woman dance we do.

So my advice to you is to chalk it up to Darwinism. "Survival of the Fittest" never hurt anybody (in the most shallow of ways, it hasn't).

Ok, So Donald...If you're truly trying your hardest to get a Black woman to notice you, now is probably the right time. Beyonce has gathered all of her troops (I am definitely a new recruit), and we are in formation to fight for all causes, including yours and those like yours.

And considering you've never seriously dated a Black woman, when you do, let me give you this BIG POINTER. When she dons a silk scarf on her head at night, this is what you don't say: Can you take that off?

'Cus nah.

#DonaldGlover #beyonce #InFormation

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