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  • Writer's pictureRenese

Women: Let Your Fellow WoMAN Poop in Peace

Forrest Gump had to pee when he met President JFK. He wasn't embarrassed, and the President let him do his business in The White House with dignity. After the above scene, we see Forrest flushing the toilet. I have a sneaking suspicion that he did more than just #1.

Ok, So...It's not easy for anyone to defecate. The entire act of defecating leaves you in one of the most vulnerable states of your life.

And sometimes you gotta go at work, and I think people at work should give other people at work this same Presidential courtesy with both numbers.

So, here's the thing: My favorite stall is the handicapped stall. It's roomy. Point blank period. So every time I enter the bathroom, and no one is in that stall, it's like getting unexpected closet space. Just makes me jump for joy.

But usually, if someone is in that stall when I enter the bathroom, I take note of it. If that person is still in that stall after I'm done doing my business in the skinnier stall, I think to myself: Yep. She's poopin'.

And when that happens, I wash my hands, dry my hands, and get the hell out of there. Why? Because she needs time to defecate. Defecation takes time. And energy. This courtesy should totally be a part of our whole woman-code.

Now, I think there are several reasons why women, specifically, have to poop at the office and why we fellow women must give them the entire bathroom to handle their business.

Reason #1:

When you decided to have that free cup of morning brew at the office, you always forget that it violently frees your sphincter from hibernation.

I really don't understand people who drink coffee all the time. They must be blowing up bathrooms locally and globally because that coffee is no joke. I think the government should just make terrorists drink coffee during intense interrogations and let them poop until the point of no return until they tell the truth. I mean, there's only so much releasing you can do. uh! and coffee dehydrates you, too, so super unpleasant for them (Government: Please credit me with this amazing interrogation technique). Anywho - So, you head to the bathroom hoping to do your thang alone, and of course, there are two people in there having full-blown conversations.

So, you just do #1 and leave, Annoyed. Emotionally and Sphincterally.

Womenfolk: If you see a woman come in the bathroom, just assume she needs to be alone. You wouldn't want anyone leaving you with bowel aches, now would ya?

Reason #2: There are men who still believe women do not have bowel movements, and their women allow them to think this.

Why? I have no idea, but it's not for me or any other bowelly-free woman to judge. So, these women need the office bathroom. Like, they really need it. It could be one of the reasons their relationship is so strong.

So, allow them to use the bathroom like it's their safe haven. No one judges you on how you're keeping your relationship together. Who knows? You might learn a thing or two about covering up a different kind of truth #DrinksTea.

Reason #3: It's common courtesy. Rather, I am advocating that it be common courtesy, Look: no one wants to drop one or several at whatever speed and at whatever length -

Sorry, I got carried away.

Let me try this again - No one wants to do that sort of thing in the company of others. Period. It's one of the few activities you have to do alone. It's ridiculously personal.

So, women, let's all agree in sincere solidarity that we will give our fellow wo-MAN "the floor" when they need it.

The Takeways:

- Hustle and bustle when you notice someone has been in there " a little longer than usual".

- Be aware of the women around you when that morning coffee is going around because it's very likely one of 'em will need private time in like 3 minutes.

- And let's remember that your cooperation is aiding in the togetherness of couples.

Last but not least, you'd want the same courtesy, too.


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