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  • Writer's pictureRenese

My Body Wants to Be a Vegetable! me explain the title...

It has nothing to do with that ridiculous hike (see "Hike to Jesus") or being sick or being on the verge of dying or the desire to just sit in front of the TV all day (unless I could get paid a ridiculous amount of money and then, yea, I would totally sign up to be a vegetable).

It has everything to do with the terrible eating habits I've made in my 20s and the realization that those bad choices are trying, with all their might, to show up on my tummy and arms in my early 30s. <insert here the devastation that I am not invincible, and yes, I can gain weight in all the "wrong" places>.

Now, when you look at me, you'll be like, What? You? Gaining Weight? Or What? You? Gaining weight in all the wrong places? or What? You? Are you just realizing that everyone realizes you have gained weight? <---- do not ever say this to me...

Let me just give you a few examples of how ridiculous my eating habits were when Cash Money Records was taking over for the '99 and 2000s:

  • I would ask my then-boyfriend to bring me McDonald's fries and an M&M McFlurry every night so that I could perch in front of the tube and ingest all things ridiculous from VH1's Flavor of Love.

  • I've eaten a Carl's Jr. Burger 7 days straight on more than one occasion...I have no idea what the hell that was about...

  • And I've had Taco Bell more than once in my life. Now, that deserves a tsk, tsk.

So, now, my body just wants vegetables.

My favorite, as of late, are Brussels Sprouts. How could I have been deprived of their deliciousness? These tiny little cabbages are magical. Any of you 80s babies had boiled Brussels Sprouts? Yeah, horrid. I've questioned my mom's love for me ever since then.

I mean, you can just pan fry them in some olive oil, sprinkle salt and pepper on them and voila! Instant goodness.

Or spinach. favorite growing up. It has become second only to Brussels Sprouts but oh so gratifying!

Or bean sprouts. Now, I can't just eat these a la carte (only because I don't know anyone who sells them that way, but if you know of some place, holler at me). They have to be included in some main dish like fried rice or bibimbap. The crunch is what drives me crazy!

But I literally have no desire to eat meat. Zero. Zilch. Nada. None. For real. But unlike Beyonce I still eat meat!

Ignore ^^^. Unsee that.

I am psychologically addicted to eating meat at least once a week, but, again, my body is screaming, No more meat woman! We parts have had enough!

One of my friends believes that my body desires to vibrate at a higher spiritual level. I'll take that, but my whole body is just telling me to eat vegetables. ONLY vegetables. Am I on the verge of becoming a vegetarian? Or will vibrating on a higher level manifest a la Khaleesi in the Dance of Dragons episode? 'Cuz that would be dope.

Your body knows what it needs, right? So, I will listen to the best of my ability, but don't be surprised if you catch me tearing up a Smashburger and crying at the same time.

#vegetables #vegetable #vegetablelife #devastation

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